ok so we’re only 2 months into 2020 but it hasn’t been kind to me. i had some health issues for most of january, one after another and then i found out i was going to be made redundant at the end of february (as i write this, it’s the weekend and then i have 2 more days left before i’m unemployed.) so i guess i have to find myself a new job! oh no. and i guess i should also actually finally make myself a portfolio (because one of the jobs i was thinking of applying for had an *insert portfolio* bit in the application form thing, even though i don’t really see how you need a portfolio for that particular position (for all the other ones, hell yes you would) it’s awkward though because all my internet presense is under tukru and that’s not my ‘real name’ / the name on my CV / job application stuff. i’ve also been meaning to do a ‘proper’ portfolio bit where you can see my work and stuff but i’m bad at deciding a) what to put in and b) what order and then c) what portfolio format to use! ugh decisions. maybe i should just MAKE something instead of worrying about it being just right. i can always CHANGE IT later if i figure out a way to perfect it.

i finished this drawing last night and i have to confess i’m OBSESSED WITH IT. i started drawing it last weekend based on a recent selfie while waiting for carl’s brother to pick us up and take us to their mum’s for carl’s very low key birthday pizza party (only 5 participants this year wow) but they got here before i finished it and then i forgot about it until last night or something. i coloured it in a new (to me) way that i learned from my friend emma (she did a tutorial blog post and everything) and it came out super cool! and even though i ‘copied’ emma’s techniques, our styles are so different it still looks like mine and not hers <3

maybe this looming unemployment will motivate me to actually make more art and pursue more art things and stuff since i’ll have more time, though obviously i still have to actually look for a job too, but thankfully we’ll be ok for at least a month before i have to start panicking about our survival (thank you redundancy money, recent payments a few previous freelance gigs and having a council flat, so the landlord/housing association is pretty chill about late rent, and of course my partner’s paycheck and not having spent all of my wages already.) but yeah wish me luck / give me a job pls. i’m also planning to get some more home improvements done / reorganising things. once my job is finished in a few days, the company i work/ed for is going to take away the work computer and the giant desk, so i have to rearrange our living room / my work area again. (it seems like a never ending rumba) despite me being a professional worrier, i’ve decided to look at this redundancy as an opportunity to make a positive change and find something better. obviously i have my fears, but i’m doing my best to ignore them even though some days it’s so much easier said than done, with all the general uncertainty floating about…

(also when i went to write this blog post, i realised i never finished / posted my 2020 zine goals post / review of 2019 zine stuff! i had completely forgotten about it. ooops. which reminds me…) incase you somehow rely on this blog for you tukru news (why?) and thus missed it everywhere else: i made a new zine last month! it’s called YOUR PRETTY FACE IS GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL #27, and it was going to be about just little things in my life but then halfway through making it i was told the redundancy news so it’s also about that. you can buy it from VAMPIRE HAG DISTRO as usual, and i also did a massive distro update recently so there’s lots of new stuff there for you to buy. i guess i could have made a whole separate blog post about the zine but i dont feel like it.